i just deleted some of my past writings, i feel that maybe i should keep this section of my persona as organic as possible, instead of drafting something and making it perfect, just freewrite the whole thing and hit publish.
anyways! i might just end up talking a lot of things in this piece.
no path but the present
i left my role over at wne3, i jsut felt too stagnant being there i bet they’ll be big someday but right now its not for me. i’ve got a few side gigs lined up everything is ad-hoc in a way that im just going with the flow without thinking of the outcome and what i really want to do on the long term.
someone i know writes down their goals that they want to achieve in the coming years and works towards it, i havent figured out concrete pathways to my goals yet, i just know that for the next 2-3 months not to apply for any internships or work but just do side gigs as much as possible and network with people.
i recently read that “not everything has to be a grind”. the hustle culture has spoiled masses by romanticising hard work towards our passions, publicising hardwork as the only path to acheive desires. its very contradictory to my usual writings but a mindset shift has always resulted in better things for me and moreover its a sign of open-mindedness
something feels different
im turning 18 in a few months and it is just feels awesome to enter into a paradigm of life where a lot of things might end up changing drastically just like everytime but this time with a mindset of distinction. had an argument with someone some time back where they were like “if you intern/work in-office its like a stamp on your resume that this guy is hire-able”, maybe its true, i acted dumb in that moment bcs i didnt really wnat to prove anything… but my reality had been completely different right after that moment.
in moments like these where i just think that im thinking the right way, these petty arguemnts feel worthless though it feels enraging that “how can someone say that to me??”. things will not always go the way i imagine them to be — i might not be able to capture that sunset on that very day, be able to keep in touch with that friend or make the other person understand my perspective but some things are never meant to be— for both good and bad.
school isn’t school
its also my final year in college and i had different plans but seems like it might not be the case anymore, im stuck between taking a hard intrusive decision which could work out very well or just sidelining the coming situation by labelling it petty and focus on what really matters and aligns for me. hmm that just reminds me of how important your social circle is during your days of school and college.
if i treat my academics as a side quest because of how much knowledge im actually pulling in by working on things outside of academics i realise the sole purpose of school and college is building good social circles, i was cleaning up my saved collections and saw this reel of “if you’re between 15-20, study hard!!” it had a fresh perspective, everytime i’ve had a discussion of why one should actually be studying hard in a system where academic excellence alone doesn’t reward a lot it the generalised reason was social rep. to be specific, holding a degree matters bcs without it you’ll be labelled “uneducated” despite you having everything required for the excellence of a society or community.
the fresh perspective in the reel proposed that though you don’t really use the stuff you learn in everyday life it matters bcs in a social circle having a delta/diversity of knowledge is a really standout quality, why i agree with that is simply because what are you going to talk about when you’re done talking about the memes you scrolled, its always those nitpicky things no one paid attention to, like a chapter from your english or history textbook, or a book you read long back.
i have a weird addiction to exploring justifications for the things i go against, its sort of an accountability for my thoughts but why do i care if society labels me uneducated despite me having what it takes and me knowing that? the one who ignores the massess gets sidelined. measuring myself against my own timeline is different from being sidelined by others
im getting old
a lot of my friends will be applying for colleges this year. everyone has their own destiny i know someone who might get into IIT, one who is getting into some decent b tech college and another one who is having difficulty getting anywhere but its crazy how eveyone might end up anywhere down the line